10 Things To Ponder
- Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
- Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
- I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I asked, "Implants?" She hit me.
- I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
- I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
- I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
- There are two sides to every divorce:Yours and shithead's.
- How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
- Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
- Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What I do today, will probably burn my ass tomorrow.