Thursday, February 2, 2006; C01
In light of President Bush's declaration in the State of the Union address that "America is addicted to oil," here's a list of warning signs that a loved one may have a problem:
· Keeps saying, "I can stop my SUV anytime I want."
· Characterizes habit as simply "social driving."
· Buys drugstore needles for "fuel injections."
· Wants to send daughter to Quaker State.
· Hidden inside teenage son's copy of Penthouse: a well-thumbed issue of Petroleum Digest.
· When they talked about a higher power at the 12-step meeting, thought they meant premium unleaded.
· Wakes up in a pool of own light sweet crude.
· Cans of 5W-40 hidden in underwear drawer.
· Can't kick the minivan habit even after the kids have left for college.
· There's a "Mr. OPEC" on the phone, saying he just scored some "really potent" black gold.
-- Mark Leibovich