As you know, the other day, while hunting quail, Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man in the face with birdshot. The 78-year-old victim, Texas lawyer Harry Whittington, is recovering in a Corpus Christi, Texas, hospital. We're sure Mr. Cheney has sent him a get-well card, but we were wondering, just what would it say? Could it be, could it possibly be... something like... THIS:
Roses are red You put them in a vase I'm really, really sorry I shot you in the face
Roses are red Sittin' up on your shelf You got in the way of my shot So go [bleep] yourself
You forgot to duck Now your face is a-hurtin' Wait till you get the bill For hospital food from Haliburton
I shot you in the face The news is on every station So I'm sendin' you this card From my undisclosed location
If I was out huntin' snail Then I would have aimed low But I thought you were a Quayle So I shot you in the potatoe
It's all fun and games Huntin' with right- wing zealots 'Til you get your face peppered With shotgun pellets
With my 28-gauge Shooting quail is great sport, sure It's my favorite thing Except for spying and torture
We flushed out a covey And I turned on a dime Now I'm a major league [bleep] Cause I shot you, big time!
I shot you in the face From a very short distance Thought you were a bird Guess I had faulty intelligence
I had that quail in my sights Except for one tiny flaw You got in my line of fire Who could have foresaw? Now you're in the hospital With birdshot in your jaw Now, Harry, that's what I call Shock and awe, baby! Shock and awe!
I'm bettin' today you are wishin' That instead we had fished But if I'd have been huntin' lawyers It'd be "Mission Accomplished!"