kencam

1. Type: The idiotic child

Characteristics: Usually between the ages of 11 and 19, though a large portion of this type are in their early 20's to early 30's. Journal entries are usually short and incoherent, posted anywhere from once every three months to 11 times a day.

Typical user name: RainbowJessie15

Typical journal entry: "Today I went 2 tha mall wit my sister KJ (represent, love) and we ran into Darren who wuz all like Let's go to dat *~*party*~* at Monica's house and I wuz like Rock on and then we went to McDonalds ok. X0X0."


2. Type: The "look how cool I am" exhibitionist

Characteristics: Enjoys bragging about the concerts, raves, protests, invite only parties, or whatever it is that he or she attends on the weekends. An air of superiority is displayed, along with a cynical attitude towards anyone who is, in their eyes, a loser.

Typical user name: Crystalexique

Typical journal entry: "Went to see The Pink T-Shirts with Seth and crew, then hooked up with Cici Cruz and Bub after hours. What a rad show! Tomorrow is StaTiC AstrO. I can't wait. Anna and I are gonna eat some pure as fuck rolls that Jose hooked up with, and it is going to be so beautiful! My life is going so well. I'm having such a good time these days. Hell ya. To all you losers who are saying that I'm a slut, you need to get a life and find something better to do with your time than talk shit about mwah. Hehe. Anyway, I gotta dip cause I'm meeting Holli at The Lot. Peace out!"


3. Type: The philosophical elitist

Characteristics: Uses a lot of big words, contemplates the meaning of life, and complains about perceived lower forms of humanity. Often writes poetry. Doesn't actually keep a journal, just a collection of meaning-of-life ramblings.

Typical user name: SubliminalTea

Typical journal entry: "Sometimes I ask the big question. Why are we here? Honestly, why are we here? My new theory is that we are all souls in a meaningless universe of meaningful postmodernism, seeking to create universal meaning with the aid of thoughts that stem from our empirical beliefs. Those who close their eyes to the truth, those worthless cattle who are afraid to wake up, I pity them and their states of being. Now is the time for us to create universal meaning, as we look in the retrospective mirror and view our futures in a present tense."


4. Type: The philosophical elitist on drugs

Characteristics: Self explanitory

Typical user name: LordQuibbles

Typical journal entry: "Took 500 MG of DXM last night, 3 hits of lysergic acid diethylamide, and 5 bumps of ketamine. I was on a plain of my own specialized existence, reaching out to the stars of my mistaken trains of thought that breed the valuing of unrealistic cognitive displays. Could not be bothered with outside annoyances, was free for eternity, watched by the secret guide who told me that it was all a dream of my spiritual awakening in the forest. Cool shit."


5. Type: The angry social critic

Characteristics: Very pissed off, and lets you know this at every chance he or she gets. Sometimes has a political agenda. The angry social critic will take all of his or her anger out in his or her journal... deconstructing every person, movie, song, website, idea, subculture, slang word, and tattoo that is popular at the current time.

Typical user name: PopUnationControl

Typical jounral entry: "I can't believe everyone is listening to The Pink T-Shirts. This unoriginal band deserves to be literally shit on, and we deserve to watch this on the spoon feeding network of CNN. Also, why are so many people lined up to hang out with Danny, the hypocritical "indie" asshole with a mohawk? All these ignorant little girls think that he is hot as shit, failing to see through his pathetic act. Everyone puts on a pathetic act these days. Why can't you just be yourself, you stupid posers who define yourself by your clothing and musical tastes? I'm so sick of people like you. Mother fuckers."


6. Type: The lyrics lemming

Characteristics: Never writes actual journal entries. Ever. Simply posts a bunch of lyrics from a bunch of songs.

Typical user name: FreakyButterfly

Typical journal entry: "Can't you see I'm trying?
I don't even like it. I just lied to
Get to your apartment, now I'm staying
Here just for a while
I can't think 'cause I'm just way too tired

Is this it?
Is this it?
Is this... it?

Said they'd give you anything you ever wanted
When they lied, I knew it was just stable children
Trying hard not to realize I was sitting right behind them

Oh dear, can't you see? It's them it's not me
We're not enemies; We just disagree
If I was like them all pissed in this bar
He changes his mind, says I went too far
We all disagree
I think we should disagree, yeah

Is this it
Is this it
Is this it

Can't you see I'm trying?
I don't even like it. I just lied to
Get to your apartment, now I'm staying
Here just for a while
I can't think 'cause I'm just way too tired -The Strokes"


7. Type: The dullard

Characteristics: Boring. Why would anyone want to read this shit?

Typical user name: Darren835

Typical journal entry: "Went to my Sociology class today, and found out that I got a B on my oral presentation that I did last week. I think I should have gotten an A, but what can I do? I'm not the professor. Professor Torrino is. Went home and fed my cat. She was very hungry. Called my mom and talked to her about going to dinner with Uncle Ernine and Aunt Corrine. Took the garbage out. Wow, there was a lot of garbage in there. Went to sleep with my new blanket. It's the one that I bought at this store in Ohio called Benny's. Later."


8. Type: The internet drama queen

Characteristics: Uses LJ as a method for creating drama. Will frequently post journal entries about having "beef" with other LJ users, and sometimes communities.

Typical user name: PixelPotty

Typical post: "I can't believe that the assholes from The Pink T-Shirt community are sending me hate mail. All I did was say that the owner of the community was stupid, which was only my opinion. If people let my opinion get to them so much that they're sending me hate mail, it's time for them to get a reality check and realize that this is just the internet. To all my friends here, go to The Pink T-Shirt community, and let those assholes know how petty and immature they're being. I'd really appreciate it."


9. Type: The "I hate my job" musician

Characteristics: Most of his or her journal entries are posted at work, and most of them are about how much his or her job sucks. Every now and then, the "I hate my job" musician will post about how band practice went last Friday.

Typical user name: KillThaRockStars

Typical post: "Every morning, I come into work to file these stupid papers for my stupid boss. This is my life. A game of routine and repetition. I've been meaning to get a new job that isn't so tedious, I swear, but I'm really busy with all kinds of shit like the band and shit. Tomorrow I have practice at the studio. I hope that this practice goes better than last one, and that Ryan finally figured out that riff. Well, I gotta go now. My boss is looking over my shoulder, that fuck."


10. Type: The obnoxious computer nerd

Characteristics: Obnoxious, computer obsessed, and nerdy. Favorite pastimes include making condescendingly sarcastic comments to AOL users, and bragging about new program languages he or she is studying.

Typical user name: MorphoX49

Typical post: "Went to a LAN party last night. I can't believe I saw Frankie there. Just two months ago he was in jail for hacking that Republican Resource website. I might get to BETA test Diablo III tomorrow. I just need Pat to call me back already. I was bored this morning and clicked on random journal, and found this girl talking about how great Windows was. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Word."


Written 1/24/02 by Paradox aka Acidexia aka Rach. Don't steal without giving due credit.