February 20th, 2001

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

Wowzers!!!

An unbelievable weekend...

Brain Scienced to the max. Fun, fun, fun... The venue was awesome, and the DJ... Say it with me now... "Oh! My! God!"Usually I go to these things and I say, "I can do that." Then I go home and I do it. These guys... Wow!!! They made me feel like an amatuer wannabe. And going to these things with Stimulax's is so much fun! Surrounded by friends, brain scienced, dancing my ass off to the most amazing set. Got there Friday afternoon, left Monday afternoon, and felt like loved, and like a party good the whole time.

It was weird... within 15 minutes of arriving home, alone, and sitting on the couch to check e-mail, I felt horrendously depressed and lonely. I really wanted to call Amber or someone else up and see if they wanted to go out and do something, but it was a monday night, and I had laundry and stuff to do.

On the plus side, last night I made a mix to tease my friend with... He calls all techno "Boot in the drier music", so I put a shoe in the dryer, with a mic, and mixed to it. It was kind of a slow beat, but I think it came out fine. He'll be laughing his ass off when he hears it.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

When is it time?

This last weekend, I think, I had a chance to hook up with a very cute woman, but I chickened out... This whole thing from New Years still has me gun shy.

How will I ever meet anyone if I'm too afraid of "pressuring" them?

This sucks. I can't get it out of my head, and I can't get over it. The woman from last weekend or New Years.

A Forest by The Cure

come closer and see
see into the trees
find the girl
while you can
come closer and see
see into the dark
just follow your eyes
just follow your eyes

i hear her voice
calling my name
the sound is deep
in the dark
i hear her voice
and start to run
into the trees
into the trees

into the trees

suddenly i stop
but i know it's too late
i'm lost in a forest
all alone
the girl was never there
it's always the same
i'm running towards nothing
again and again and again

Once again, Robert Smith has captured my feelings and fears perfectly.
  • Current Music
    A Forest by The Cure
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

Pondering...

As I sit here, about to go to bed...

I was wondering... Are there ideal states and stituations for us? Or is the grass always greener on the other side. Several people called this evening for my roomie, and no one called for me. I was thinking it must be nice to have all these people wanting to call and do stuff with you, but then I thought about how when I've been in that situation in the past, I've been afraid to decline invites and end up getting woren out because I don't have enough time for myself.

This led me to wonder if we actually have an ideal state/condition/situation to be in, or will we always want something different. If the perfect state is not attainable, why bother working for it? If it is attainable, is it worth the effort?

Am I working to hard for something I will never reach, or not working hard enough for something I should have reached years ago? Another way to phrase this is, "Am I trying so hard to enjoy life that I can't enjoy it?" John, in refference to acid, "Don't try to find the trip, let it find you." Should I just sit back, use the same logic, and let life find me?

Part of me really wants to take some shrooms, enter a trance state and discuss this with myself for a few hours, but I did enough stuff last weekend. So, I'm going to give my brain a break, lest I bruise it.
  • Current Music
    Darkness Falls by ConSono