March 15th, 2001

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Last night, I wasn't able to sleep, so I cleaned up Casa de Cesspool a bit. Then I grabbed my power converts, my amp, and my bass. I cruised up to Skyline, and watched the sun rise come up over the eastern hills, and the shadows retreat to meet the sun, while I sat up there, in the back of Pepe and just noodled. I haven't touched my bass in months, and damn do I suck, but it feels so good to play.

I remembered noodling with friends at the beach every spering break, back when I had the condifence to play in front of others.

I'm getting tired of mixing. I can do everything I can with the equiptment I have. DJ'ing, when it comes down to it isn't so much playing, as finding ways to present already existing music. I really miss playing instruments. They are far less limited in what you can do in the creative process. I've gott'em, I just need to get back to practicing.

I'm dead tired, but it's a good tired. I feel like I accomplished something.

Dreams can live, love, and die on a tune, and still the music will carry on like the wind or the surf buidling and destroying dunes.

It's like Teddy was told(this is from memmory, so there might be errors)...

You are wind and I am the Lion. The world quakes with your tempest. And I roar, but you do not hear me. But there are [other] differences between us. Like the lion, I know my place, and can never leave it. You are like the wind, and do not know your place, and will never find it.

I'm not sure what I am. I feel like I lion in it's place, but like the wind, I don't think it's the place for me. I'm not sure which one I would rather be. The sense of purpose of the lion, or the freedom of the wind.

The problem with gods and stars, when you look for meaning, they just silently smile and slily wink at you. Where do we find meaning? Jenny was saying her life has no meaning, and I agued with her that her life has meaning to me, to the people she helps at the hospital, etc. But she pointed out that does not give her meaning for her life. I don't know what to tell her. The only meaning I have is to try to be good to people, and hope they are good in return. Hence, why when I fuck that up, it affects me deeply. It also explains why I dislike people who are so self involved that they never volunter to do anything for anyone else.

On a total tangent... I'm thinking for Halloween, a group trip to Mexico would be a blast. Spend the Day of the Dead singing, dancing, drinking, and just having a good time. Got to Tiajuana, or drive all the way down to Cabo San Lucas. I'll be the tall guy at the bar built into the pool, chatting up the other people re-mis-spending their youth.