June 20th, 2001

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/significant other is taking his/her sweet time:

  1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
  2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
  3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
  4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares,'...and see what happens.
  5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
  6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
  7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
  8. When a clerk asks if they can help you,begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?
  9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
  10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
  11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.
  12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
  13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'
  14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again'.
  15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly ...'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!'
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

I think I want to go do this, and be as over-the-top bad as I can... ;)
Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2001 12:41:46 -0700
From: Laughing Squid <lists@laughingsquid.org>
To: squidlist@laughingsquid.com
Subject: SQUID [6/21] Stuffed Dates Dating Game show

Do you like to watch desperate people beg for a date?
Do you love to see them get shot down like an unarmed Iraqi jet?
Have you ever expressed a need to publicly show off just to get a piece?
Do you have a thing for clowns?

Then do we have a game show for you! Come watch desperate singles beg and plead to get a date! We've got several sets of gruesome match-ups in which a loser (if you need to come to this show to get a date, a winner you're not) courts two contestants for the match-up of a [junebug's] lifetime.

Stuffed Dates: The Dating Game That Gives Bad Taste A Whole New Flavor

Just because these singles haven't been lucky in love, doesn't mean that they won't get lucky on our show! Laugh as they compete for:

A) A Date with the person of their dreams
B) Everlasting and harmonious soul co-existence with another human life form
C) Fabulous prizes
D) Notoriety, the adulation of the crowd, the blatant departure from the use of foodstuffs for their intended purpose, and putting themselves on the spot to be the object of vexation and ridicule from our illustrious Host.

See them as the contest brings you:
* Foolish displays of sexual prowess on stage!
* Contestant nibbling by our glamorous stage hands!
* Popsicle and papaya eating contests (take a guess why.)
* Obnoxious game show host
* Scantily glad sideshow girls
* Bodily parts measuring!

Where: Odeon Bar - You should know where it is by now.
When: Thursday, June 21st at 9 PM
How much: $3 to watch (you voyeur, you); Free if you wanna play (fool.)

stufed_dates@thoughtpolice.com

Come on, you know you want to go see just how bad this can get! ;)
Ceci n&#39;est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Yeah!!!!!

NEWSFLASH!!!!!

My Dad just called, my Mom just got out of her surgery, and the doctors are 95% that they got everything!!!

So, thing are looking good! :-)

And watch, in November, she will still (even after major surgery) be able to out hike me when we do the Inca Trail to Machu Pichu.

I'm gonna go do my happy damce now!!! 8-D
Ceci n&#39;est pas une personne.

(no subject)

I figure the girls will enjoy this one... :-)

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large, raging and violent river. They needed to get across to the other side but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man called out to God, praying," Please God, give me the strength........to cross the river." "POOF!!!!! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across. It did however take him about two hours and he almost drowned a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying "Please God, give me the strength........ and the tools........ to cross the river." "POOF!!!!!" God answered his prayer by giving him a rowboat. He was able to cross the river in about an hour, but it was rough going and he almost capsized the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how things worked for the other two, so when he prayed to God he said "Please God, give me the strength........ and the tools........ and the intelligence........ to cross this river." And POOF!!!!! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream for a hundred yards and then walked across the bridge.