June 10th, 2002

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Some monday morning wrongness from my father:

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much?"

Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"

"Yes."

"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"

"Yes."

"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

"$1,500? No blow job could be worth that".

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.

He can't believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.

He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"

"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits.

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Another mad, out of control, jet bike on training wheels weekend...

Friday, I finally saw Star Wars II with digital projection. Then we had festivites with Duck, Hell, PinkBunny, PenguinGrrl, perpetualfog, fayster, monoandy, Heather, and myself at my place.

Saturday was chill. Breakfast at the Original Pancake House (Duck, Hell, PinkBunny, PenguinGrrl, perpetualfog, Heather, and myself). Then a little shopping for Heathers. When we were at Merven's, these two cute little girls were prettending to sleep and play house using the mini beds they display the linens with. It was so cute. Finally Heather photoed fayster for her photo class. Supposedly the photo session went excellently.

Sunday was the Haight Street Fair (with PinkBunny, PenguinGrrl, perpetualfog, fayster, monoandy, Heather, and myself), the visiting Davor, then going to Heathers parents for dinner. The street fair was fun, but amazingly crowded. It was so crowded, I had to drive for an hour and a half to find parking, and ended up parking at Stow Lake (the lake has hundreds of turtles floating around!!!!) in Golden Gate Park. But on the way through the park, I saw a cool art car. Finally last night, we got to see how sly torilove is, as she "innocently" reaches across skrape and "accidently" grabs her boob.

And this morning, I socialized with our cat, Minino.

With no further adue, what you've all been waiting for, Collapse )