August 5th, 2002

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Here are some US statistics for 1902...

  1. The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven (47).
  2. Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.
  3. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
  4. There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
  5. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10mph.
  6. Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
  7. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
  8. The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.
  9. The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
  10. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
  11. More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.
  12. Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
  13. 13. Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
  14. Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
  15. Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
  16. The five leading causes of death in the US were:

    1. Pneumonia and influenza
    2. Tuberculosis
    3. Diarrhea
    4. Heart disease
    5. Stroke

  17. The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
  18. The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.
  19. Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
  20. There were no Mother's or Father's Days.
  21. One in ten US adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of
    all Americans had graduated from high school.
  22. Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over thecounter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
  23. Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one
    full-time servant or domestic.
  24. There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

More jokes from my Father:

A Mexican family crosses over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold. But the husband can find no work.

His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray: "Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family..." Eyes closed, the Mexican
does not see the BLACK man coming over the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, a large wheel of cheddar cheese rolls down the hill and lands at his feet!

"Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and
runs straight home.

Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos. "But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?" she inquires. "No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message... As I ran home, I kept hearing Him yell,

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Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

  1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
  2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer.
  3. Good: Your son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.
  4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them.
  5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad: You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.
  6. Good: Your husband understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than you.
  7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections.
  8. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun. Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
  9. Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It's another man. Ugly:He's your best friend.
  10. Good: Your daughter got a new job. Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Best and Worst Comments Taken from the MIT Course Evaluation Guide

  1. "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."
  2. "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."
  3. "In class, the syllabus is more important than you are."
  4. "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
  5. "Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."
  6. "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."
  7. "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame."
  8. "Textbook is confusing ... someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."
  9. "Have you ever fallen asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term."
  10. "This class was a religious experience for me ... I had to take it all on faith."
  11. "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
  12. "Problems sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."
  13. "Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing -- it's a great stress reliever."
  14. "He is one of the best teachers I have had... . He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."
  15. "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."
  16. "The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon."
  17. "TA steadily improved throughout the course... . I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
  18. "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hoseÑspraying in all directions -- no way to stop it."
  19. "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets."
  20. "What's the quality of the text? 'Text is printed on high-quality paper.'"
  21. "The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam."
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

karina: I'm a member of SFRaves, but I can't post to it. Could you pass this along to that community?

Saturday I want to Bulldog Productions ( a cool head shop in Sunnyvale), and next door to them is "DJ SHOP". They have an add in their window that says "DJ's Wanted". Their number is 408-245-1000. So, if anyone is looking to make money off their hobby, this might be a good means.

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