February 7th, 2003

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)


Dear Abby:
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby:
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby:
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much. I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby:
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby:
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby:
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a Good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby:
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $60 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby:
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he did it.

Dear Abby:
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.

Dear Abby:
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

39 things:
  1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton.
  2. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the varieties of pickles the company once had
  3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks - otherwise it will digest itself.
  4. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper
  5. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle
  6. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
  7. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
  8. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
  9. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
  10. Every person has a unique tongue print.
  11. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino.
  12. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
  13. During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.
  14. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
  15. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
  16. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
  17. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
  18. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
  19. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
  20. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
  21. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
  22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in '87 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
  23. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
  24. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
  25. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
  26. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
  27. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before!
  28. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
  29. If you pour a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
  30. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
  31. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
  32. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
  33. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
  34. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
  35. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples.
  36. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
  37. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
  38. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them. (sorta obvious)
  39. Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Last nights main event, DRUNKEN PROPHYLACTIC WRESTLING!!!!!

Actually, it's a rubber glove, not a condom, but I think the previous title is more fun. But the wrestlers (not the glove) really were drunk.

Collapse )