September 6th, 2003

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Looking on Topica. I found the following mailing list:

GhettoGoth Update list for Ghetto Goth the catalog that brings hip hop and goth together.

I think I need to hear this. My mind isn't quite grasping it.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

  1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
  2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
  3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
  4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  5. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
  6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
  7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
  8. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
    "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
  9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  10. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive.."
  11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
  12. A man takes his Rotweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
    teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
  13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad... or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
  14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
  15. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "no, the steaks are too high."
  16. I went to a seafood disco rave last week....and pulled a mussel.
  17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
  18. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "I'm um ... well ... I have five penises" replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."
  19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

I want the Pimp Cup!

agenthavok, have you got this movie in your collection yet?

What is like renting porn to people at a video store. (Very funny! Well worth the listen.)

Proof! Disco kills!!!

The "Please, I never want to have sex ever in my life" wig.

Was that one hump, or two?

I swear, these are all up on the wall as flash tattoos, at the local tat parlor. Hmmm... My ass hurts, and I feel strangly compelled to get the crop circle tattoo. I wonder if the aliens probed me.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

If I am elected President, I promise to revamp how to approach forcing hostile nations to comply with our wishes. With all our technology, it is no longer nessary to commit ground troops in hostile areas. Instead we will be stepping out our psychological warfare program. What does this mean? Some suggestions are flooding enemy airwaves with Pauly Shore commedy specials, Carrot Top movies, reruns of Jesse Camp on MTV, and pictures of Jack and Ozzy Osbourne posing naked. Frankly, I think I would rather be subjected to VX nerve gas than under go such a brutal onslaught of such programming. Though it will still be better and ABC's fall line up. Broadcasting ABC to enemy nations, I'm sure, would be against internation humanitarian law. Vote for me and I promise you we will use inteligently applied stupidity to win stupid wars. Thank you!

Vote Harrison in 2004!
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Always one to be upfront about my past, I have been asked the following:

(16:39:14) tiobeblue: presient, huh? so... mr. president... did you ever inhale?

In response, I have to say... Inhaled? Hell, I coughed up a lung, then took a nitros hit, and then popped some shrooms and E! And I loved every fuckin' minute of it. And I have neveer had a DUI. I kept it off the road. Unlike a certain President that will rename nameless.