October 1st, 2003

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

My Dad sent me this:

If you have ever had to deal with a major corporation's customer Service then you will really appreciate this.


My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00)


I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:


Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."


CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."


Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."


CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."


Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"


CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"


Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"


CitiBank:"...excuse me .....?"


Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her Being dead?"


CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"


(Supervisor gets on the phone)


Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."


CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."


Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"


CitiBank: ".....(stammer)"


CitiBank: "Are you her lawyer?"


Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )


CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"


Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )


( After they get the fax. )


CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."


Me: "Oh..."


CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."


Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."


CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."


Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"


CitiBank: "That might help."
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.

With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman and your brother.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

If I am elected President, I promise I will push forward research into questions that have been plaguing mankind for years. The first project will be looking into where socks go to when they disappear from the dryer. Then I will put our scientists attention into researching one of the greatest mysteries of our time. Yes, I will finally tackle the quesion of just how much fun is a barrel of monkeys.

Vote Harrison in 2004!
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)