August 10th, 2004

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

tender_star keeps destroying keyboards (her new title, "The QWERTY Slayer."), so I came up with a little list to help your/her keyboard lead a long and happy life. It is by no means a complete list, but it is a start.

Basic things a keyboard is not:

  • A coaster.
  • A cheese tray.
  • A foot massager.
  • A back scratcher.
  • A fly swatter.
  • A towel.
  • An ashtray.
  • A pillow.
  • A chew toy.
  • A throw toy.
  • A seat cushion.
  • A baseball bat.
  • A book shelf.
  • A door stop.
  • A pokey stick.
  • A trampoline to bounce other things off of.
  • A punching bag.
  • A "Whack-A-Mole".
  • A flailing weapon of mass destruction.
  • A platform to change a lightbulb from.
  • A kinky restraint device.
  • A "Go! Go! Gadget" anything.

Hopefully this will help clear up some confusion and prevent further keyboard destruction.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Redneck investment advice from my father...

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.99.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.00!

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Of course it's called the 401-Keg Plan.