July 5th, 2005

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

If Men Wrote Advice Columns

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing: your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (its a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Mixing Medicines and Alcohol

Most people know not to mix certain medicines without consulting their doctors ... some medicines cannot be mixed with certain foods ... and certainly most of us know not to mix certain medicines with alcohol...although, some people think mixing beer and medicine is harmless.

As a Public Service the American Medical Association has recently published a new warning being distributed via pamphlets in pharmacies across the U.S. and Canada. Below is the cover jacket of the pamphlet:

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Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

A few people have asked me where the camping pictures I took are from, here are the two lakes on google maps:

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=sisters,+Oregon&ll=44.099550,-121.633415&spn=0.058464,0.085208&t=k&hl=en

That should give people a general idea of where I was in relation to the rest of the world.

Or you can look at the "TopoZone" Map...

http://www.topozone.com/map.asp?z=10&n=4885125&e=609845&s=100&size=l&datum=nad83&layer=DRG25
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

It's 10am. I'm sitting on the back deck enjoying the sun and a morning beer. Intel gave us both Monday and Tuesday off. As it's warming up quickly I suspect I will, right after this post, go to Fandango on order matinee tickets for some cheese summer movie and veg out in an air conditionned theater.

I hope y'all are having fun at work.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

And here is where yu disavow even knowing me...

I went and saw Batman Begins, which was great. I loved it. But I also saw a preview for a film I must see. A film remake of a tv show I loved as a kid. A show that could be part of the reason my vehicle is generally orange in color. A show that spawned a shorts style. A show that has spawned a film I must watch.