December 13th, 2007

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Some inappropriate humor from my Dad...

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends'.

**********

Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus,' send me a brother'

Santa wrote back,' SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'

**********

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE??

'Without Information Fighting Everytime'

Wife replies,' No, It means ,

'With Idiot For Ever !!!'

**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

And Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Teacher: You know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints... --
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

There are certain things we each learn in life, but never really "learn". For me, I logically know that the dryer is not a closet, but in practice it seems to work well enough.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

It used to be that when you were posting something too long it would tell you what the limit is.

I've got a process for turning my iTunes library listing to an html table, but that is 2800+ songs, so I was going to do three posts of up to 1000 songs a post, but LJ says that's to long. I don't want to spam people with more posts than that for this one thing that will have limited interest for others, so I think I'm abandoning the mega song posts.
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

I am now Snickle Dippendoodle...


Follow the instructions to find your new name. Once you have your new name, post this to your journal with your new name in the subject.

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names.
STEP 1: Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = snickle    b = doombah    c = goober     d = cheesey    e = crusty    f = greasy
g = dumbo      h = farcus     i = dorky      j = doofus     k = funky     l = boobie
m = sleezy     n = sloopy     o = fluffy     p = stinky     q = slimy     r = dorfus
s = snooty     t = tootsie    u = dipsy      v = sneezy     w = liver     x = skippy
y = dinky      z = zippy



STEP 2: Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin     b = feather     c = batty     d = burger     e = chicken     f = barfy
g = lizard     h = waffle      i = farkle    j = monkey     k = flippin     l = fricken
m = bubble     n = rhino       o = potty     p = hamster    q = buckle      r = gizzard
s = lickin     t = snickle     u =chuckle    v = pickle     w = hubble      x = dingle
y = gorilla    z = girdle



STEP 3: Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt     b = boob       c = face       d = nose       e = hump     f = breath
g = pants    h = shorts     i = lips       j = honker     k = head     l = tush
m = chunks   n = dunkin     o = brains     p = biscuits   q = toes     r = doodle
s = fanny    t = sniffer    u = sprinkles  v = frack      w = squirt
x = humperdinck             y = hiney      z = juice

Thanks to ssha!
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

I need a way to store my tools at work, and I've had an idea bouncing around my head since I saw that website with the copper veneers.

Imagine this... a 4'x4' cabinet that is 6"-8" deep with pegs for hanging power tools, screw drivers, and wrenches.

On he front I would like to do a scene like this sketch:


The horizontal line will be the sky line. Bellow it will be a veneer of a wide grained wood like a pine, but something a little nicer looking with the grain running horizontally. Above the line will be a walnut burl veneer. The boat and the wake breaking over the bow will be copper. The wake will be this copper. The sails will be this one. And the hull of the boat will be this darker copper.

The vertical line will be the split between the two doors on the front.

I think it would look great in my office. Assuming I find the time to make it.