August 8th, 2008

Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?

The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, 'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'

The fairy godmother replied, 'It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?'

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, 'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: 'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.'

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that , when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, 'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...

'Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off'
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

This pub has “Science on Tap” the last Monday of each month, where they bring in experts to give a talk on something science related, so you can learn while you enjoy a pint. (If only we could have enjoyed a pint in our college lectures…)

http://www.3rdplacepub.com/index.html

This Month’s talk is, “Microfluidics with Karen Hedine, President and CEO, Micronics.”
Ceci n'est pas une personne.

(no subject)

At work, part of Beer Friday, we starting a puzzle contest. Soren came up wit these brain teasers. I solved the first and thrid, but I could only figure out half the second (why the dragon dies). Anyway, have fun with these:

Easy:

There is a low railroad bridge in your town. One day you see a large truck stopped just before the underpass. When you asked the driver what has happened, the driver tells you that his truck is one inch higher than the indicated height of the opening. This is the only road to his destination.
What can he do to get through the underpass the easiest way?


Medium:
A dragon and knight live on an island. This island has seven poisoned wells, numbered 1 to 7. If you drink from a well, you can only save yourself by drinking from a higher numbered well. Well 7 is located at the top of a high mountain, so only the dragon can reach it.
One day they decide that the island isn't big enough for the two of them, and they have a duel. Each of them brings a glass of water to the duel, they exchange glasses, and drink. After the duel, the knight lives and the dragon dies.
Why did the knight live? Why did the dragon die?


Hard:
The devil's round table
You die and you meet the devil with a plea to send you to heaven.
Generous devil says he'll let you go to heaven if you beat him in a game he will tell you to play.
The devil sits you down at a round table. He gives himself and you a huge pile of quarters and says "we'll take turns putting quarters down, no overlapping allowed, and the quarters must rest on the table surface. The first guy who can't put a quarter down loses."
You were about to start playing, and the devil says that he'll go first. At this point you immediately interject, and ask if you can go first instead. You made this interjection because you are very smart, and you know that if you go first, you can guarantee victory.
Explain how you can guarantee victory.