25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator
6. You watch the Weather Channel
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup"
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up"
10. You're the one calling the police because those ..@!.. kids next door won't turn down the stereo
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt
16. You take naps
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset rather than settle your stomach
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit"
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again"
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"
26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it too....