Foot -> Mouth.
I do not know how to deal with grief. Not my own, and even less, with others.
In retrospect I can see the fuck up on my part.
Our friend Willow died, Emily called me to tell me and I said I was sorry and then proceeded to tell her about my day.
I'm very much saddenned by Willows death. Cancer took her far before her time. But I deal with grief by not dealing with it. I distract myself and keep myself busy doing other things and thinking about other things so I do feel depressed. I've been depressed, it is very, very, very hard to become undepressed. Now I dance around things that will depress me and fight to keep the positive frame of mind that I have.
And often, when people are depressed, I try to change the subject to happier things.
Unfortunately Emily took my avoidance of the subject as me not caring about Willows death or about her grief.
So, any suggestions on better ways to deal with grief, that helps me keep a stable frame of mind and also allows me to console other people without looking like an ass?
Things not to say: "I know how you feel", "I understand".
-l
I'd simply let her know that you do care, both about Willow's death, and her feelings.
Everyone deals with grief differently. Some people get totally hammered and do stupid shit. Other people get stuck in depression, or learn ways around it. there are tons of ways, and it's not unreasonable to expect that someone else will react differently. I can definitely see where Emily would read that reaction the wrong way, but I'm sure that's simply because she's having a hard time and dealing with the grief her way.
I'm sure you can work it out though, communication is what makes life interesting, at least.
I can understand this. Maybe not saying anything at all first, letting the news sink in, might help? I know I have trouble letting myself feel big feelings and I need to take time to let them sink in and experience them.
I'm sorry about your friend.