A Quark of A Different Spin. (adameros) wrote,
A Quark of A Different Spin.
adameros

More ponderings from my Dad, with answers by me:

Things that make you go, "Hmmmmm....."

Can you cry under water?

Yes. Haven't you see The Little Mermaid?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Very. If I was murdered, it would be an assassination. If you were killed, the person would just be charged with littering, for leaving your corpse on the sidewalk.

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

It's the "stupidity tax".

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Yes. BTW, when you die, I'm going to make sure they heavily starch the underwear you wear for your funeral.

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

When you factor in the average intelligence of Domino's employees it all makes sense.

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

A wasting disease where the ham would rapidly disappear. It's a called Cass Elliot Syndrome.

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

For the same reason researchers spent time determining the speed of penguin ejaculate before finding a cure for cancer.

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Because they were sniffling, sneezing, and coughing all night, as their Nyquil didn't do shit for them.

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes.

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

The screens bigger. You try to fit IN a 27" CRT.

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Because if people have money, they will spend it.

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

So you have a chance to politely hide the "racing stripe" on your undies.

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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Because it's womens clothing. Mens clothing make sense.

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

It for those occasions when you want to collect the insurance money on your house.

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Let's just say the 1840's wasn't the most exciting years.

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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

No.

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Trapped on a deserted Island with Mary Jane and Ginger? Who the hell want's to be rescued?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Goofy knew how to beg.

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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

What's the fun in that?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

The same factory as Girl Scout Cookies.

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Suddenly I understand how the religious right came about.

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Yes.

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Because it finally got the tune to "It's A Small World" out of my head.

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Don't even get me started on Uranus....

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Your breath stinks.
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