A Quark of A Different Spin. (adameros) wrote,
A Quark of A Different Spin.
adameros

40 Ways to Piss Off People in a Computer Lab (or to make a sysadmin groan):

  1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
  2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
  3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
  4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
  5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
  6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
  7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
  8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
  9. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
  10. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
  11. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
  12. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
  13. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
  14. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
  15. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
  16. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
  17. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
  18. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
  19. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
  20. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
  21. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
  22. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
  23. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
  24. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
  25. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
  26. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
  27. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
  28. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
  29. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
  30. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & take it.
  31. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
  32. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
  33. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
  34. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
  35. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
  36. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
  37. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
  38. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
  39. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
  40. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
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