A Quark of A Different Spin. (adameros) wrote,
A Quark of A Different Spin.

Some American Associations

"Americans of all ages, all conditions, and all dispositions constantly form associations." Alexis de Tocqueville in Democracy in America (1840). The US contains about 100,000 known associations and clubs; seven in ten American's belong to at least one. They include:

Benevolent and Loyal Order of Pessimists. Founded 1975. Purpose: Why bother stating it? Meets annually April 15, the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. President quoted as saying: "I'm pessimistic about doomsday." Abbreviation: BLOOP. Motto: "No matter what it is, don't count on it."

International Association of Professional Bureaucrats. Founded 1968. Purpose: "Promotes excellence in dynamic inaction, orbital dialoguing, and creative non-responsiveness." Abbreviation: INAPROBU. Motto: "When in doubt, mumble."

National Organization Taunting Safety and Fairness Everywhere. Founded: 1980. Purpose: Formed as a response to the American obsession with safety and equity by a former air traffic controller who suggested that airlines avoid crashes by taxiing everywhere. Abbreviation: NOTSAFE. Motto: "You can't be too careful."

Procrastinators Club of America. Founded 1956. Purpose: Still seeking to elect first president. Made protest against War of 1812 in 1967. Abbreviation: Undecided. Motto: "We're behind you all the way."

Society for Basic Irreproducible Research. Founded in 1956. Purpose: "To blunt the cutting edge of scientific research." Publishes papers such as "Calculating the Velocity of Darkness and Its Possible Relevance to Lawn Maintenance," "Utilization of the Pencil and Ruler Protocol in Drug Study Design" and " "The Use of Patient Self-Directed Sham Liposuction Procedures as a Treatment for Anorexia Nervosa."

Society for the Preservation and Enhancement of the Recognition of Millard Fillmore, Last of the Whigs. Founded 1975. Purpose: "To defend global standards of mediocrity." Abbreviation: SPERMFLOW. Motto"E pluribus mediocritum."

[From The Uncyclopedia by Gideon Haigh]

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