George was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear
hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a big
black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, George decided to accede to the latter alternative.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, George soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.
There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, George. That was my cousin, and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to
death or we have rough sex."
Again, George thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived, it would take several months before George finally recovered.
Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear said, "Admit it, George, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Love of the game
As many of you who have ever coached a youth team or who have young children at home waiting to be molded, it's a very gratifying job when you sit back and think of not only the technical skills we can pass on, but perhaps more important, the sportsmanship and strong moral base that we can provide our kids. The attached picture says it all, a young man who has obviously been given a deep love of the beautiful game, a love that should last a lifetime...
Rockin' to the oldies
For all of you who are feeling a little older (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) and missing those great old tunes, there is good news. Some of your old favorites have re-released their great hits with new lyrics to accommodate their aging audience.
Some of you will appreciate this more that others!
- Paul Simon--"Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"
- Carly Simon--"You're So Varicose Vein"
- The Bee Gees--"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"
- Roberta Flack--"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
- Johnny Nash--"I Can't See Clearly Now"
- The Temptations--"Papa Got a Kidney Stone"
- Nancy Sinatra--"These Boots Give Me Arthritis"
- ABBA--"Denture Queen"
- Leo Sayer--"You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
- Commodores--"Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"
- Procol Harem--"A Whiter Shade of Hair"
- The Beatles--"I Get By with a Little Help From Depends"
- Steely Dan--"Rikki Don't Lose Your Car Keys"
- Herman's Hermits--"Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"
- The Rolling Stones--"You Can't Always Pee When You Want"
- Credence Clearwater Revival--"Bad Prune Rising"
- Marvin Gaye--I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
- The Who--"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
- The Troggs--"Bald Thing"
Welcome to the dog house
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
- Dogs don¹t cry.
- Dogs love it when your friends come over.
- Dogs don¹t care if you use their shampoo.
- Dogs think you sing great.
- A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink.
- Dogs don¹t expect you to call when you're running late.
- The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
- Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
- Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
- Dogs understand that farts are funny.
- Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
- If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
- Dogs don't shop.
- Dogs like it when you leave things on the floor.
- A dog's disposition is the same all month long.
- Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
- A dog's parent never come to visit.
- Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
- When a dog get old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
- Dogs like beer.
- Dogs don't hate their bodies.
- Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
- Dogs never expect gifts.
- It is legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
- Dogs don¹t worry about germs.
- Dogs don¹t want to know about every other dog you¹ve ever had.
- Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to your wallet, desk, or your pants pocket.
- Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
- Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
- Dogs never want foot rubs.
- Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
- Dogs find you amusing when you are drunk.
- Dogs can't talk.
- Dogs aren't catty.
- Dogs seldom outlive you!