Another - just shows how you present the information!!!!! Two young guys were picked up in Kentucky by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday in front of the Judge.
The Judge said: "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court on Monday,"
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "What did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever,"
"17 people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, Your Honor. I drew two circles like this:O o
.. and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable!" said the Judge.
To the second boy the judge said," And you, how did you do?"
"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles...o O
... and said (pointing to the small circle)
"this is your butthole before prison....."
This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the two words Lewinsky and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a limerick.
Here are the three winners.
There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.
And the winning entry:
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
When deciding how best to be blown.
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. "Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail."Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked. Johnny, who naturally sits at the back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
where did Ken Lay come from?
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny answered, "I'm going to raffle him off."
"Sure I can," said Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. She remarried and had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord thanking Him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to Go forth and multiply."
In his eulogy the preacher said, "Lord, they're finally together."
Leaning over to a neighbor, one mourner quietly asked, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The neighbor replied, "I think he means her legs."