ljconfessional.So this woman goes through a harrowing 30-hour labor, and is afterward laying in her bed exhausted when the nurse comes in with the new baby. Suddenly, the nurse drops the baby, and the new mother screams. The nurse picks up the baby, throws it against the wall, kicks it, stomps on it. The mother is horrified and screams, "what are you doing to my baby?!"
"April fools!" cries the nurse, "it was already dead!"
what's pink and goes 100rpm's?
a baby in a blender
whats the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
you can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.
what's better than a barrel full of dead babies?
-NOTHING!
what's better than a barrel full of dead babies?
-one live baby at the bottem trying to eat its way out
How do you save a drowning baby?
Harpoon it.
What's the best part about a baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a bat when it comes around.
What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art!
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
How do you get them out again?
With Doritos!!
What's the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.
What's 18 inches long and can make a woman scream?
Stillbirth.
Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout?
So they could light it and toast their marshmallows.
What's the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
Dart-boards dont bleed.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
Blood brothers.
What's red and pink and hanging out of your dog's mouth?
Your baby's leg
What's red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
The wall behind it
What's red and hangs around trees?
A baby hit by a snow blower
What's green and hangs around trees?
Same baby 3 weeks later
What do you call a dead baby on the side of the road?
Lunch.
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a woman?
A dead baby doesn't need to cuddle after sex.
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a barrel?
99 dead babies in a barrel, and one on the bottom trying to climb out.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
No one cries when you cut up a baby!!
What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
What's blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
How do you spoil a baby?
Leave it out in the sun.
How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.