A Quark of A Different Spin. (adameros) wrote,
A Quark of A Different Spin.
adameros

From jokes from Papa.


15 Things to do at WalMart while your spouse/shopping partner is taking their sweet time:

  1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
  2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
  3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
  4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 housewares and see what happens.
  5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
  6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
  7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers
    you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
  8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why
    can't you people just leave me alone?
  9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
  10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
  11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.
  12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
  13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
  14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
  15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "Hey! You're out of toilet paper in here!!"


History lesson:

What happens when a president gets elected in a year with a "0" (zero) at the end? Also notice it goes in increments of 20 years. And LOOK! Year 2000 is where it lands!

1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (Assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (Assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (Died in Office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in Office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (Survived Assassination Attempt)
2000: George W. Bush (???????)

And to think that we had 2 guys duking it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000.

You might be interested in this next part.
Have a history teacher explain this ---- If they can?

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their! three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called a 'Lincoln' made by Ford.

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials!
And here's the kicker:

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy, huh?

This is one history lesson people don't mind reading.
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