Ole Changes His Religion
When Ole moved up north, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in
his new little town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing venison every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole, eventually persuading him to join their church.
The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's
head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"
Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again that aroma of grilled deer steaks coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying: "You were born a whitetail, you were raised a whitetail, and now," he said as he sprinkled seasoning salt over the choice tenderloin cut, "now you are a walleye!"
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When confronted, he said: "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral-- I'm a gynecologist."
At that point, the proctologist fainted.