Found in pot_heads, a list of stoner etiquette. I'm sure every house hold has it's local rules and guidelines, but I have never seen such an expansive list typed up like this before. These are some over achieving stoners (or just tired of repeating the rules).
Stoner Etiquette (print & study)
Thou shalt not turn down a smoke. Never! This is the definitive rule to live by!
Always remember to smoke as much as possible but when you are fucked up, quit. You wouldn't want to waste weed. When you're high, you're high.
Never act grumpy or bitchy before smoking...just relax. After all, you'll be happy in a little while anyway.
The person who rolls the joint (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and get first hits.
If someone rolls a nice joint, it's good to give the person a compliment on his or her rolling skills.
Don't fuck with the person who's tryin' to roll the weed.
The person who fills the bowl is given the opportunity to take the first hit. It doesn't matter whose bowl it is.
If you're smoking from a bong and there's not enough in the bowl for a whole other hit, you should save the smoke in the chamber for the next person. (Don't let go of the shotgun and take it all yourself).
It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl, without notifying that person of its possible cashed-ness. A proper warning would be "Here ya go...I think it might be cashed."
If smoking from a bowl and you think it's cashed, but aren't sure, never just dump it out. At least offer the opportunity to the next smoker.
Always ash the blunt or joint before passing it. It sucks getting ashes on your clothes.
If a person passes on one round, DO NOT assume that they are passing on the next round.
If you don't know which way to pass it, just pass it to the left (You are supposed to anyway.)
When toking in a group, make it obvious that you're passing to the next person. No one wants to be rude and grab it. At the same time - let's not waste the schmoke, or make people ask, "Is that a pass?"
When waiting in the rotation for the smoke, don't anxiously put your hand out, it'll get there. On the converse: if someone's bogarting the smoke, politely or humorously let him or her know, but it's never cool to bitch.
Don't be the shady one that leaves someone out of a circle just because they happen to be in the next room at that point in time.
Don't ever mess up the rotation. This could cause someone to lose his or her hit. You would not want to be skipped, so why would someone else want to?
If the joint or blunt starts to run (aka canoe), don't just keep on smoking. FIX THE RUN!
When the roach gets too small, if someone has a problem with it, put the roach in a bowl and finish it that way.
If you are smoking a blunt or joint of someone else's weed, ASK them what they want to do with the roach. Some people save them, some don't.
When you have to cough while smoking weed, never hold it in just because no one else has coughed. If you have to cough, cough (You get more stoned after you cough anyways).
If you drop the joint, everyone who is smoking gets to slap you on the hand once.
NEVER DROP THE BATTON! (Translation: Never put down a "j" until it is done), and by all means never let it go out...that's a No No.
When smoking nugs, and there is a switch to a lesser quality (but no less appreciated) type of Bud, be kind and let the rest know, in case they want to handle their hits differently, if ya know what I mean.
If smoking in a dorm room, always pass the spoof directly after passing the bowl.
If you are going to smoke a joint or blunt and you didn't either buy the smoke or put in on it, at least offer to buy the papers or the Phillies.
Don't give shotguns so that you can sneak in some hits before blowing-especially if it's not your weed. It's shady and obvious (to experienced smokers).
You are not doing anyone a favor by smoking his or her weed. Never expect them to get up in order to pass you the bowl or remind them every time it's their hit.
Never bitch about someone else's weed being no good! If you don't like it don't smoke it!
Never say "I'm not high" to someone who has smoked his or her weed with you.
If you are privileged enough to afford nugs constantly, don't bitch about everyone else's schwag.
If you are well connected and have access to better-than-regular kick-ass-Ganja then shut up about it and smoke up your buds.
If someone starts bogarting the bowl and starts using the excuse that its okay for them to bogart it since it's their weed, this is definitely not cool. The punishment depends on the quality of the weed and how much they put in. (If it was real crappy and they were real cheap with it, then you rag on them.)
Puff. Puff. Pass.
When it is your turn to hit the joint, take your hit and then pass it on. Some people have a tendency to tell a story or something whenever it is their turn and hold on to the joint for a long time. We call this "Nursing the Joint."
In the middle of session, whether it be joint or other, never decide to tell a story when it is passed to you instead of hitting it. This is called story toking.
If you are smoking with two other people and you are the middle person, you do not get a hit every time it passes you. Just because you are in the middle does not allow you extra hits.
ALWAYS CLEAN YOUR PLATE (finish your bong loads, everybody deserves a fresh hit).
If someone is rolling your weed for you, always give him or her the amount that you want to be rolled.
Don't ever ask anyone who doesn't know how to roll a blunt, to roll a blunt. Its just a waste of weed, and time.
Never roll seeds or stems in a joint, or blunt. You just get a headache, and burn holes in your clothes- seeds explode like popcorn. Plus seeds stank!
Never ask to borrow or have a person's bong, bowl, blunts or papers without offering to smoke them up, too.
Never ask your best Bud for his last Bud because when his old lady Bud gets home and there is no Bud for her he will get no Bud tonight.
Never ask someone for some Pot when you know they only have a little and you never return a favor to them. You're greedy.
Treat your smoke-out buddy the way you wanna be treated.
If a friend gets you high, sometime in the future you need to get that friend high.
Always remember to thank a person who has gotten you high.
Never go to someone's house expecting him or her to get you high. Thank them when they do get you high.
If you know someone that's always nice to you whenever you have Chronic and never gives a rat's ass about you any other time, let 'em know you don't wanna be taken advantage of with your Stash. They are called Freeloaders.
If someone smokes you out and you have weed of your own, it's polite to match at least one bowl.
When someone asks you if you have a match to his or her bowl, and you do, it is polite to say so.
When you say you are going to match a bowl, make sure you can before you say so. And make sure it's of the same quality.
If smoking a lot of someone's treez, always offer to throw down funds or to buy food or drinks...don't be a taker.
When smoking out of your buddy's glass, never clean their bowl or shine their glass for them without asking. They may like the bowl "resinated" or the glass dull.
Don't hit or knock the bowl if it is not pulling through. Bongs crack, bowls break. Use a poker. If it's your bong, hit away.
To all the Glass Owners - keep the mouth piece and the carb holes clean. You don't want to gross out your guest.
If you've been invited to toke with someone don't bring strangers along unless the "toker" is all right with it.
If you do bring someone along with you make sure they aren't buzz killers, mooches, or, most importantly, narcs.
Do not smoke and run. It is very rude to smoke at the owner's house and then leave straight away, unless they want you to.
If you buy weed from a friend or a friend of a friend, it is polite to roll a joint, (a small one, if you wish) and smoke with the person who sells you the stuff.
When scoring for a friend it is never polite to expect that they will just give you a nug. You have to make the decision before hand whether or not to pinch a nug.
Never steam someone's weed to add weight. Bad Karma!
Always ask before lighting a cigarette. Just because a person lets you smoke-out in their house does not mean that you can smoke cigarettes.
If you're in a large group of people and only one person has weed, do not keep asking them to smoke. There are too many to smoke out sometimes. People don't want to waste all their money on everyone else.
If you are with your friends and you tell them you'll smoke with them and get them high as hell, don't tell them if you are only going to smoke about 3 hits worth, cause that's nothing but a weed tease!
Always offer to go to the store for goodies and drinks ahead of time so when the munchies kick in or the dreaded cottonmouth occurs, you'll be prepared and be able to enjoy the high.
If you smoke with someone in your house, you should let him or her eat some of the food you may have lying around. Munchies happen, so don't be cheap with your food.
On the other side of this, always offer to go on a food run, especially if the owner of the house got you high.
If someone does offer you food, don't totally pig-out on it. They had to pay for it, and most people have better uses for their money than buying food for their guests. (Like buying more weed).
If someone asks for a sip of your drink, you must give him or her some. (Cottonmouth is not fun).
Converse of the above: if you ask for a sip, don't take a large gulp.
The morning after a long night, and it just so happens you never made it back home. Never, I mean never, take the last bong load or the last hit left in the pipe. Leave that for the owner of the house.
After a night of good toking, don't take the homeowners bong with you.
When smoking in a friend's car, never open the windows (unless they ask you). This allows everyone to enjoy the smog.
If the animals around enjoy smoke just as much as the people do, blow one their way. DON'T EVER FORCE SMOKE TO AN ANIMAL.
If your animal likes a good buzz, it's all good. But don't leave your stash out where they can get at it. If they eat it, and get very high, they do dumb & uncoordinated things (like falling down a whole flight of stairs, resulting in a broken wrists and herniated vertebraes).
Never under any circumstances touch anybody else's bud without asking.
When someone else is hitting, don't laugh or do something to cause laughter until the hit is over and the weed has been passed.
Never talk about bad stuff when you are stoned. It brings you down and pickles peoples heads with bad thoughts.
Don't fuck with people when they're stoned. Let them enjoy the High.
Don't jack anyone's lighter.
Never mess with the lighter when someone wants to light the bowl.
Never hold onto the lighter and play with it as a toy after your hit.
Never drop the lighter into the water of a gravity bong. NEVER rest a lighter on the top of your bong. Sooner or later, it'll go swimming.
If you are ever to hit off a gravity bong and cash a whole bowl in one hit, be prepared to spit and cough all over the place, requiring you to need water. Also be polite if your friend needs water and don't hand them an empty cup. Prepare to be stoned as hell.
When smoking a water-bong, NEVER, under any circumstances, EVER blow INTO the bong. This will result in the soakage of your Nugz.
If you're a pot "virgin" or a light weight, let the fact be known. No one likes getting thrown up on or having a passed out stranger on his or her hands due to inexperienced toking.
Always rag on somebody you know who can't handle much but still tries to clear a monster bong rip, and coughs their fuckin' brains out and pukes (especially in front of women).
If smoking a joint or a bowl, never put the whole thing in your mouth and get it all sopping wet. It's disgusting.
Don't drool in the bong when taking a hit. There's nothing worse then watching a person salivate in your bong then pass it on.
Suck slow, never fast, or you will be coughing all over the place, waste your weed and maybe even get a mouthful of bongwater.
Avoid coughing - it diminishes the Zen quality of herbalizing. If you feel your lungs beginning to burst, slowly and steadily exhale the smoke until the pressure subsides. A "controlled cough" is accepted because it can get you even higher, but at least cover your damn mouth.
Cover your mouth when the hit kicks your ass and you start coughing and spitting all over the place!!
If someone is so stoned that they blow into the bowl and blow all the shit on the floor, this person must be ragged on and the person can't smoke on the next round (unless it was their stuff).
When using a bong, don't blow out the ashes, unless that's what the "homeowner" does.
When smoking a joint or a blunt, don't ash on the floor if you are inside.
NEVER, and I repeat NEVER take a shot of bong water, not even on a dare. It tastes like complete ass and you will more than likely puke from it.
When you are high, try to be careful about the homeowner's stuff. Being "so high" is not an excuse for breaking stuff.
If for some reason you are to break the bowl/bong that you're using, you are obligated to buy one of equal value in the NEAR future.
DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, while stoned and sucking nitrous oxide out of a balloon in the presence of two bongs abruptly decide to stand on your head, as you may topple over, spilling both bongs and getting bongwater all over the carpet.
If you spill the bond, don't hide the fact from the homeowner. Offer to help clean it up! (And don't forget to put water back in it!)
If someone is too uncoordinated to light the bowl (due to being too stoned or the person is just a retard), then they must relinquish control of the lighter and bowl to someone more able to get it lit until they are able to light it themselves.