[WARNING: Many of these jokes are racest, sexist, gross, homophobic, and in just plain bad taste. Read them at your own risk. A small minority of the jokes I found funny, most or just wrong. Why am I passing them on? I'm just too lazy to do the editing.]
- Q: What do pedophiles like about halloween?
A: Free delivery. - Q: What's more fun than spinning a baby on clothes line?
A: Stopping it with a shovel. - Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chain saw. - Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Air is free. - Q: How do you spoil a baby?
A: Leave it out in the sun. - Q: What is grosser than gross?
A: Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a spoon in your ass. - Q: Why did the Mexican, want to trade his wife for an outhouse?
A: The hole was smaller and it didn't stink as bad! - Q: Why do Mexicans always have tamales for Christmas dinner?
A: So they'll have something to unwrap! - Q: How do you start a mexican parade?
A: Roll a quarter down a street. - Q: Why are there no Mexicans on Star Trek?
A: They don't work in the future either. - Q: Why are there no Mexican Paratroopers?
A: It's against international law to throw trash out of a plane. - Q: What do you call a brick building full of mexicans?
A: Jail. - Q: What is the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a southern?
A: One starts with "Once upon a time" and the other is "y'all aint gonna believe this shit." - Q: Whats red, slimy, and crawls up a womans leg?
A: A homesick abortion - Q: What does Princess Diana and a bottle of French wine have in common?
A: They both came from France in a wooden box. - Q: What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana?
A: A Mercedes will easily reach 40. - Q: What's the difference between Mother Theresa and Diana?
A: About 5 days. - Q: What's the one thing that attracts Diana more than a wealthy Egyptian?
A: A solidly-built Pole. - Q: What do you give the princess who has everything?
A: A seatbelt and an airbag. - Q: Where does Princess Di stay when in Paris?
A: Any place she can crash. - Q: Why did the princess cross the road?
A: Because she wasn't wearing her seat belt. - Q: Whats the hardest part of a vegetable?
A: The wheelchair. - Q: What do you do when you see an epileptic having a bath?
A: Chuck in all your washing. - Q: How do you get a dead baby across the street?
A: Staple it to a chicken. - Q: How do you get all of the mexicans out of your neigborhood?
A: Hide all of the good cardboard boxes - Q: How do you make a black person nervous?
A: Take him to an auction - Q: How do you kill a West Indian?
A: Smash the toilet seat on his head while he's having a drink - Q: What do Puerto Ricans say during foreplay?
A: "If you scream *****, I'll kill you" - Q: What is white, red, and peels itself?
A: A white guy trying to get a tan - Q: When can you spit a russian women in her face?
A: When her moustache is on fire. - Q: When is a Mexican allowed to carry a knife?
A: When its in his back - Q: What do you call a black priest?
A: Holy shit. - Q: What do you tell a black jew?
A: Get in the back of the oven! - Q: Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
A: Someone dropped a quarter - Q: How many jews can you fit into a car?
A: 6 million and 5 - 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 6 million in the ash tray. - Q: What do you get when an epileptic falls into a lettuce patch?
A: Seizure salad. - Q: How do you make your wife scream after sex for an hour?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains
Q: How do you make your wife scream louder?
A: ***** her in the ass and THEN wipe your dick on the curtains - Q: How many babies does it take to tile a roof?
A: Twenty if you slice them thin enough. - Q: What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid who got cancer for Xmas get for his birthday?
A: Nothing, he died. - Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl. - Q: How do you make a horse drink?
A: Put it in a blender - Q: What do you call a 300 pound woman?
A: Fat - Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands - Q: What do a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you've finished on the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box for the bone. - Q: How does a faget fake an orgasm?
A: Pour yogurt on his partners back. - Q: Two fagets were having sex and a fire started in their house, which one escaped first - the one on the bottom or the one on top?
A: The one on the bottom, cos he's shit was already packed. - Q: What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit?
A: A show-off - Q: What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can?
A: One dead baby in a ten garbage cans - Q: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can?
A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can - Q: What did Dodi say to his chaffeur?
A: "Do you want to come to Paris with me and Di?" - Q: Why did God invent lesbianism?
A: So feminists couldn't breed. - Q: What is the difference between Jews in Nazi Germany and school bullies after the outcasts' takeover?
A: The bullies deserve it! - Q: On the highway there are a dead rat and a dead school bully. What is the difference?
A: There are skid marks in front of the rat! - Q: What did Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold have in common with the Columbine cheerleaders?
A: They all made the jocks run faster! - Q: How do you get a leper out of a bath?
A: With a shovel. - Q: What do you call six wheelchairs on top of each other?
A: A vegetable rack. - Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a Pringle?
A: One is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker. - Q: What's the difference between a mugger and a peeping Tom?
A: A mugger snatches watches - Q: Why would a guy give his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday?
A: Because if she doesn't like the slippers she can go and ***** herself. - Q: What is the definition of disgusting?
A: Siamese twins joined by the mouth, and one throws up. - Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died. - Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
A: Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. - Q: What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?
A: E.T. got the message and went home. - Q: What do you do with a one legged dog?
A:Take it for a drag. - Q: How many L.A.P.D. police officers does it take to beat the hell out of a gang member?
A: None, he fell down. - Q: What does a redneck call safe sex?
A: Marking the sheep that kick. - Q: What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?
A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. - Q: What do you call 10,000 Mexicans at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start. - Q: What do you call a car with 2 Mexicans in the front and three Puerto Ricans in the trunk thats going off a cliff?
A: A damn shame... you could have fit four more in the trunk. - Q: What did the Mexican kid down the street get for christmas?
A: My bike. - Q: Why can't Christ walk on water?
A: Holes in his feet. - Q: Did you hear about the faget that got fired from the sperm bank?
A: He was caught drinking on the job. - Q: How do you know if a Redneck is a bad father?
A: He lets his 12 year old smoke in front of their kids - Q: How many men does it take to change the kitchen light bulb?
A: None, let the ***** cook in the dark - Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None. It should be open when the woman brings it to him - Q: How do you stop Superman from moving?
A: Tape his mouth shut. - Q: What's yellow and goes, "cheep cheep"?
A: A Chinese prostitute. - Q: How do you make a lump of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it. - Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?" The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
- Q: Why is a necrophiliac like a grave digger?
A: They both dig dead people's holes - The abbreviations for Princess Diana and Dodi:
DODI = Died On Dashboard Impact
DIANA = Died In A Nasty Accident - Q: Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first ?
A: So you can watch it's expression change. - Q: What's small, red, and can't turn corners?
A: A baby with a javelin through its head. - Q: What is pink, red and silver and bumps into walls?
A: A baby with forks in it's eyes - Q: What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A: You know for sure that your dad is a wanker. - Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A: It changes their blood type. - Q: What do you call a redneck who doesn't ***** his sister?
A: An only child. - Q: Why is a laundry mat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. - Q: Why do dogs lick their balls?
A: Because they can. - Q: What is the difference between Prince Charles and OJ Simpson?
A: Prince Charles' (ex)wife was killed by a white man in a black car. - Q: How do you know if your roommate is gay?
A: His dick tastes like shit. - Q: What's sicker than driving over a baby?
A: Skidding
Q: What's even sicker?
A: Picking it out of the tires - Q: What's black and blue and smokes in the corner?
A: A baby chewing on an extension cord. - Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the chin. - Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her. - Q: What does a def, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas.
A: Cancer. - Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded. - Q: What is the difference between a paedophile and acne ?
A: Acne waits until your 12 before it comes on your face. - Q: What is the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
A: You cant gargle sand. - Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
A: Crib death. - Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy - Q : What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
A : Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone. - Q: What's the worst thing about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done. - Q: Why is anal sex better then normal sex?
A: It's warm, it's tight and more degrading to women. - Q: Why didn't Superman rescue Princess Diana from the clutches of death?
A: Because he's in a wheelchair. - Q: What's black and blue and hates sex?
A: A rape victim. - Q: What's the worst part about ***** a 5 year old?
A: Getting the blood off of your clown costume.... - Q: What do you call 5 lepers in a hot-tub?
A: Stew. - Q: What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
A: The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again. - Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job?
A: You know she'll swallow. - Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin. - Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away. - Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't ***** listen. - Q: Why do women have breasts?
A: So men will know to whom to pay the lower salaries. - Q: What has 69 balls and screws old women?
A: Keno. - Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter. It's not going to come to you anyway. - Q: What's the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity?
A: Get off of me Dad, you're crushing my cigarettes. - Q: What's black and has 23 tits?
A: The garbage bag outside of a cancer clinic. - Q: What's the worst thing about a lung transplant?
A: Coughing up someone else's phlegm. - Q: What does Superman eat for breakfast?
A: Kryptonite, by the looks of him. - Q: What do you do with a one legged dog?
A: Take it for a drag. - Q. What is the difference between ***** and apple pie?
A. It's ok to eat your Mom's apple pie. - Q: What do fat people do in the summertime?
A: Stink - Q: How do you know when a redneck has her period?
A: She's only wearing one sock. - Q: What do you say to a woman with no arms or legs?
A: 'Nice tits' - Q: How do you punish a leper?
A: Make them do jumping jacks till something falls off. - Q: What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?
A: Ethiopian - Q: What's the difference between a bag-lady and a hockey player?
A: A hockey player changes his pads after every three periods. - Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again." - Q: What's better than 2 x 18 year olds in bed?
A: 18 x 2 year olds. - Q: What's the worst part about ***** a 3 year old?
A: Hearing her pelvis crack. - Q: What's the best part about raping a 6 year old in the ass?
A: Watching her breakdown and cry on the witness stand. - Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody ***** on his teddy bear - Q: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: A baby in a microwave. - Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
A: Take your dick out of its mouth. - Q: What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A: A baby with burst armbands. - Q: What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
A: Grandmothers don't die when you ***** them in the ass - Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome. - Q. What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
A. You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby. - Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: A garbage can full of dead babies.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: The one at the bottom is still alive.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He has to eat his way to freedom.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He goes back for more. - Q: Why did the Baby fall out of the Tree?
A: Because he was DEAD! - Q: What's Superman's new weakness?
A: Everything. - Q: What's the title Christopher Reeves' next movie?
A: Superman Gets a Good Parking Spot. - Q: What do paedophiles and turtles have in common?
A: They both want to get there before the hare! - Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour? - Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting. - Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows. - Q: What's the best thing about a blow job?
A: Ten minutes of silence! - Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called ***** scrapes. - Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning. - Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to. - Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. - Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever. - Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook. - Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob. - Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
