There was a senior citizen who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK. He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.
"This is great," he thought and floored it some more. Then he looked in his rear-view mirror. There was a highway patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. " I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man as he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the state trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me one good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked up at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The state trooper replied, "Have a nice day".
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
Woman yells out window, "PIG !"
In Response, Man yells out window, "BITCH!!"
Man rounds next curve and Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.
Thought For The Day:
If only men would listen.
Husband Shopping Center has opened in Atlanta, where a woman can go to choose from among many men to be her husband.
It is laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascend.
There is, however, a catch.
You're only allowed in once.
Once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor.
If you go up a floor, you can't go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door says:
These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman reads the sign.
"Well, that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.
The second floor sign says:
These men have high-paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good-looking.
"Hmmm, better," says the woman. "But I wonder what's further up?"
The third floor sign reads:
These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with the housework.
"Wow," says the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there's more further up!"
And so again, she goes up.
On the fourth floor the sign reads:
These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me." (That's how women talk in Georgia) "But just think... what must be awaiting me further up?"
So up to the fifth floor she goes.
The sign on that door says:
This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping.
Have a nice day!